The key to sailing (or at least stumbling with dignity) through any confrontations is to build a reasonably clear idea of where we're trying to get to. Some of these points may be a useful start:

Thinking clearly. Think about concrete things that you want. It may be a car, or a particular one. It may be good health, well-being. In a simple way, without overdoing it if you feel depressed, try to move towards a positive frame of mind. It's hard sometimes - you don't have to leap from bed in the morning saying 'I'm A New Me' - but begin steadily at least to consider optimistic outcomes to events. This is to move towards a positive outlook, which can take time - but you can start.

Friends. Of course we love our friends whether they are positive or negative - the negative ones are often a lot more fun. But look to rely on the ones who are getting to where they want to be, or who are strongly positive. They can help you reach your own pinnacle, or support you in your goals, in getting to your dreams. Whether at work or socialising - are people lifting you up or bringing you down? What is your environment like? Does it fit with where you want to get to? We each have the potential to get pretty much wherever we want to, and we don't have to stop caring for people who bring us down. But be aware, and focus for support on people who help you feel inspired.

Watching and reading. What are you watching or reading? Does it influence how you deal with life? You absorb information. It sits in your subconscious. Eventually you will feel it, and then begin to believe it. It's useful therefore to make sure you are reading and watching things that will make you feel good. It doesn't have to be do-gooding, it's not about that. Nor is it about eliminating all negatives - there are lots of them we can't avoid. It's simply thinking about what you are absorbing, and introducing deliberate choice. It may be a novel, a film. It may be something directly relevant to your development - an inspirational biography, even a self-help book that you find helpful. It sounds nanny-ish, but you need also to eat properly - wholesome food. Your brain will work much better, and help you focus.

Helping hand. Some people like the idea of a mentor, adviser, a trusted friend one sees from time to time - someone anyhow who is outside one's immediate life. It helps us to have a boost, someone to talk to, who brings out the best in us.

Clothes and body. Dress for success, they say - don't laugh. Come on girls - you know this (and you boys too). What you wear can help you a lot. Think of a someone you like, admire. What do they wear? How do they carry themselves? Your body language - to use a flogged-to-death couple of words - is very much part of what you wear. There are people you know who somehow fill the room when they come in. Clothing doesn't just mean suited and booted. It's you, and how you would like to wear clothes, whether with fashion accessories or without, or simply your unique style, complementing your shape and colour.

Destinations. Do write down your - whatever you naturally call them - goals, objectives, things you want to get to. This is absurdly useful. Have a notebook if you like, but at least somewhere to write them down. It really does work. Be as specific as you possibly can. When you write them, they plonk into your subconscious and stay there - it's an old trick, it works. What happens next is interesting. Your mind starts an attraction to those things, or those objectives. You'll think it's coincidence - it's not, it's the so-called law of attraction.

Relax and think. It's important - it's crucial - to take time off from the day to think about the bigger map. And yes, you can make that time - come on, you know you can. Plan your day, your week. And don't be afraid to plan your life - you don't need to hammer it down to obsessive detail, but take a look at it. Do make time to enjoy your hobbies, the things you like doing - they don't have to cost money. If you can afford it and want to, let off steam in the gym with a personal trainer, play golf, do an extreme sport, relax in a spa. None of these things if you hate them. This isn't self-improvement - it's doing what you want.

END

(c) Neelam Challoner 20 August 07

Neelam Challoner is director of Designer Life - www.designerlife.co.uk.

Fringe Report (c) Fringe Report 2002-2009

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