(This article reports the format of the evening and reviews the first four acts)

Cheese 'N' Crackers is a monthly talent competition - lively and wide-ranging on tonight's showing - for which the first prize is a plate of cheese and crackers. Live audience voting decides the night's winner. Host tonight is James Haslam, a slim, bald and good-looking man wearing a black patterned shirt; a man with a very fine and tuneful voice. He opens with a piano backing track and sings Sara Lee Your Brioche Fractures Me. He explains the rules - 7 minutes per act, with an alarm called the Squib of Death for overrunning. A man is recruited from the audience to work a hand-held clapometer.

Tonight's acts:

Auriol Proudfoot and her pianist Pete. Auriol Proudfoot sings. Bald (no shortage of bald men tonight) Pete sings in gruff voice; both their voices are complementary. I Guess You Can Collect Your Stuff AP sings, a fluent jazz-blues song with an elegant piano solo in the middle. AP wears a pretty black cocktail dress with plunging v-neck. She sings Christina Aguilera's Sweet Talking Sugar-Coated Candy Man in a black-Americanish-bluesy-big-jazzy voice, which - though it sounds odd coming from a petite white middle-class English woman - is powerfully, convincingly, emotionally delivered.

Myra Dubois wears a pretty black-and-white gingham dress, platinum blonde hair in curls, a black belt. She (performed by a male actor) sings Somewhere Over The Rainbow and describes her work as a comedy stand up 'evoking the very essence of 30s Berlin'. She enumerates very funnily the bits of that evocation that comics leave out. She recalls her child-rearing skills (putting her daughter up for adoption, aged 15) and the version of the Wizard of Oz she starred in, set in Wakefield. The actor seems nervous, with a nervous tremor in the voice, but without reason - the content is very funny, and it's very well-written stuff with clever and original angles.

Rob & Doug sing dirty songs; both play guitars. Rob says he's from Vancouver, that Doug is from New York, and that they've won the Skegness Air Guitar Trophy 2008. Rob is the shorter and plays acoustic 6-string; Doug is taller, wears glasses, plays electric bass. Rob sings a song about fucking: You're The Best Thing That I've Ever Found. They sing tunefully in a folky, harmony style. Rob has a pleasant, deep voice. The second song concerns 'love between man and plastic' about an inflatable plastic woman You'll Thank The Lord Above For Your Inflatable Love (with a tragic middle eight). Words are funny, gentle and well-written.

Faby Licious is a very slim man wearing a black wig with glitter, white face make-up, a leopard-skin print, short sleeves. There's a rock-beat soundtrack. He sings 1994 in a light voice, punky lyrics about action on the dance floor. He says he's 'the only queer rock star from Vatican City, spokesperson for friends who can't speak the words of the love that can't speak its name.' He sings new lyrics about animal-shagging and homosexual animals to a synth-strings-beat backing track of My Way; and stands on tables.

Performers billed for the rest of the evening include: Persephone Lewin, Fabian Hartwell, Carly Halse, Kaz Simmons, Tiffany Gobbelin.

Cast Credits: (scheduled running order): Comperes - James Haslam (tonight), Sarah-Louise Young. Auriol Proudfoot (www.auriolproudfoot.com). Myra Dubois. Rob & Doug. Faby Licious. Persephone Lewin. Fabian Hartwell. Carly Halse. Kaz Simmons. Tiffany Gobbelin.

Company Credits: Writer / Director - (individual acts). Technical Operator - Paul L Martin. Designer of table cloths and candles - Philip Lawrence. Bar Staff - Sasha. Producer - Paul L Martin. Company - Millionth Muse Productions Ltd. Website - www.millionthmuse.com

END

reviewed Thursday 30 October 08 / The Basement, Leicester Square Theatre, London

Fringe Report (c) Fringe Report 2002-2012

www.fringereport.com