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drinks Monday 4 August 08
Millie & Tillie - Do You!
Verdict: Very funny
London - Canal Café Theatre - Sep/Nov 03
Mondays. 29 Sep. 6,13,20,27 Oct. 3 Nov 03. 9.30pm. £7.
Millie Brick and Tillie Blossom are a couple of well-bred ladies of uncertain age. They're here tonight to enlist help in transforming Chudleigh, their pile (literally, from the slides) in the country into Gosford Park.
M & T look like a couple of gay Swiss Maids (especially when Millie hitches up her skirt and pulls out her Red Cross) - the ones on the chocolate wrapper who look as if they could show Julie Andrews a good time. There's a touch, too, of the maiden aunts we were warned away from in childhood.
Millie, no stranger to fashion - 'I modelled a tractor once; I only did it for the free whips' - despite what Tillie cruelly says about her: 'You have a fine mind / but you dress like you are blind' - is smartly dressed in brown corduroy skirt to below her knees, long-sleeved white shirt, tweed waistcoat, and gold bracelet over her shirt; her pretty dark hair's slicked down, she wears black shoes. Tillie, blond hair plastered to her head, has tailored check trousers, white full-sleeved shirt, black waistcoat trimmed with silver lamé, and bare feet. Their faces are severe in repose, breaking periodically into lust.
Tonight the ladies welcome us to a community centre in Paddington where they have come to teach us important social skills, and impart uplifting instruction. The set's an old piano, sideways on; a projection screen topped with a red feather and a couple of cloth caps. Topic: How to make friends?
Not like Millie's Uncle Phileas, that's for sure. The ladies reenact a touching scene from Millie's childhood when Uncle P shot a stag. On the screen we meet role models Darren (Tillie's in love with him, man in suit), and Felicity Kendall (Millie's heroine). Visualisation is the key to cutting the ties with the past, Millie explains, and comes on dressed as a French woman, in beret, with glass of wine, to demonstrate (Millie: 'I'm naked; wiggle and wave'. Tillie: 'You disgust me').
Tillie explains how she overcame her fear of flying by substituting words associated with flying with others: boarding pass / kiss my arse, cabin crew / fuck you. Millie explains the advantages of the Son of God being a carpenter. The screen goes red, and we're rebirthed. To demonstrate going-out technique, Tillie invites herself out on a date.
Songs tonight include The Audience Song, upbeat, glorious. The Fashion Song features both ladies dancing with élan. The Soup Song, has Tillie accompanying on the piano with recklessly avant-garde chords while Millie sings ingredients.
In Tillie's Top Tips, Tillie has the chance to pass on useful information. 'How To Get Out Of A Sports Car In A Short Skirt', particularly when Darren's driving after a game of tennis. And 'How To Play The Cello Without Being Obscene'.
'Everyone wants to make friends' say the ladies, and are ready to show how it's done. A disco is simulated, with Prince's 'You Don't Have To Be Beautiful'. Tillie dances elegantly. Millie pulls up her skirt to show off black pants that redefine the term 'big knickers' - these are industrial - and dances magnificently. It ends in a lights-out passionate snog, from which Millie & Tillie emerge looking dishevelled, debauched, confused and smeared in each other's lipstick.
There's a demonstration of Thing Shui, the sad Story Of William ('My father showed me the back of his slipper. It was from Fenwicks of Bond Street. Very nice'). A couple of Welsh Shepherds (M & T) discuss how to spice up sex. Tillie finds her tap shoes and tap-dances with grace, cut short by knocking herself out on the wall.
M & T finale tonight with their magnificent The Death Song ('Death, takes your breath away'), they leave to riotous applause.
Millie and Tillie's a truly original show, with no overt references to past, present, or current acts. The material is well-written, with a constant flow of excellent one-liners. There's lots of Ealing Comedy smut, and the traditions of the Carry On films are honourably echoed, but not copied, in the way it's brought out.
The characters are well-defined and separate, which will help them last a long time. This fine show deserves a first-class run at Edinburgh as it is. In the meantime, it would be interesting to see the characters out on the London comedy circuit doing even more new material - which will stretch, advance and extend the development of these excellent, funny, and fully-formed characters. Millie and Tillie are - magnificent.
Cast Credits (alpha order):
Jemma Freudenbergmorphet (Millie Brick). Josie Stuart (Tillie Blossom).
Company Credits: Director - Cara Jennings. Lights & Sound Technical Manager - Chris Martin.
Venue Credits: The Bridge House - Manager - Francesca Fanizzi. Canal Café Theatre: Administration - Louis Brownhill. Artistic Director - Emma Taylor.
END
John Park
reviewed Monday 29 September 03 / Canal Café Theatre
Fringe Report (c) Fringe Report 2002-2008
