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Cold Calling
Verdict: Filthy phone fun
London - Jermyn Street Theatre - 15 May 03
Two louche ladies give phone, while enacting same-sex madrigals.
Welcome to the Institute of Life Change ('Always be closing!') and its public face - two gals of comfortable size, with biros sticking out of their noses and ears. They're selling to a script, though Charlotte (Charlotte Coates) is keener they perform her Jacobean musical - Lesbian Whores Who Fist Abroad. She's also hot for Christine Hamilton. Sian (Sian Kemp)'s keen to sell Mrs Sanderson a copy of the house manual - Jeffrey Jeffrey Jefferson's Power Up Your Potential - but succumbs to playing Butch Mo, the sadistic Birmingham highwaywoman in Charlotte's magnum opus.
Cut to the Lesbian Tavern and fish-wife Fishy Sue, up for sex with eels, with imaginary chorus mouthing a Jacobean R+B Sex Madrigal. Sian's unimpressed ('It's worse than your Social Workers - The Musical'). Charlotte's bored and hurt, but Sian's confession that she's restarted her contemporary dance lessons dooms her to Charlotte's new role for her - performing a dance to denote the greyness of their job.
There's massage, unorthodox phone technique - and music, music, music. Specifically their 'shit-hot seller, 'Always Be Closing!', climaxing with 'We're The Pitching Women'. It's a rousing show-stopper (literally), in fine voice, and with magnificent piano from Matheson Bayley.
Cold Calling is a show in development by two superbly gifted actors. Today is its first outing. Very funny, with fast, well-written comic lines, and extremely filthy.
Credits - Cast (alpha order): Actors - Charlotte Coates, Sian Kemp. Pianist - Matheson Bayley.
Credits - Company (programme order): Graphic Designer - Ronny Ellefsen. Angharad Parry - Director. Tom Nerling - Prop. Thanks to - Kander and Ebb, Martin Spector, Andy Camichel. Writer - Charlotte Coates. Technical Manager - Pete.
END
John Park
reviewed 15 May 03 / Jermyn Street Theatre
Fringe Report (c) Fringe Report 2002-2009
