Fringe Report is now closed. Fringe Report closed on its 10th anniversary, Thursday 12 July 2012. It remains online as a record of 10 exciting years in the arts. Till July 2013, previously unwritten content is being added to the site from the past 10 years, but we are no longer reviewing new material. You can still write to us on the existing email addresses. Good luck with your shows.
Judith Faultless, Alys Torrance, Charity Trimm
SWEETHEARTS 'N' BODYPARTS
Verdict: Glorious singing, fast-paced comedy
Edinburgh - Pleasance Dome - August 2002
If you saw Nashville, this is the antidote. If you're a country and western fan, you'll come out cured.
And that's cured like the human bacon in Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Sweethearts 'n' Bodyparts is a tale of extreme plastic surgery told by 3 of c+w's most gifted discoveries.
Polyanne-Sue Wainwright III, Josie-Sue-Josie Mozart, and Pansy-Pearl Parton model provocative outfits and
sing expert songs of trigamy and bathroom cosmetics.
The girls bound on stage to ON THE ROAD from their latest album SWEET HEART ATTACK. As Pansy-Pearl herself
says: 'A glad heart is all the beer a body needs'. But their patience is tried by the accommodation.
There's the shared dressing room / toilet. The stage is too small for their 24 piece backing band,
which is piped live from the lavatories. Mysteriously, Shane Twain - so much more than a manager to
the girls - remains out of sight.
After quick introductions they're straight into JUST THREE GOOD OLD GIRLS TOGETHER. It's been 63 weeks at
Number 1 in the Quicksmart Supermarket Chart in Tennessee, and it's autobiographical: 'Born the daughter of an
untrained dentist'. Those who fainted in Marathon Man might care to cover their ears. As the girls say, 'It takes
us back to our roots'.
Polly-Sue points out 'True beauty comes from within: Botox', and sings THE TRUTH IS, IF IT HAPPENS, THAT'S THE WAY
IT'S MEANT TO BE, a Shane Daly lyric. She was born a girl instead of a boy, but her father was able to correct it
by plastic surgery. 'I thank my Daddy for literally making me who I am today'. His autobiography is out now:
'It's my ass on the line / and your tits in the trash'.
Polly-Sue is quick to thank the second man in her life. Shane Twain talent-spotted her with the immortal
words, 'I guess you'll do'. It led to fame and sharing a dressing room with The Amazing Defecating Triplets of Tennessee.
Josie-Sue wants to sing a song about abuse - well, self-abuse - but it's time for a related commercial break. Pansy-Pearl's
promoting her own cosmetic range for hands that are 'oven gloves for the act of love'. It's 'Pansy's Palm Balm', slogan:
'Give yourself a helping hand - You could say you've been digitally remastered.'
The girls sing 'I'VE GOT A 3-TIER CAKE AND A CHEAP TROUSSEAU THAT TOOK ME 9 MONTHS TO SEW'. It's about their dream -
determination, really - to marry, which founder on personal defects like farting in bed.
There's a thwarted lesbian interlude between Josie-Sue and Pansy-Pearl - 'You and me, it
could never be - it be an abomination'. And there's cream massage: 'Hearty clapping leads to chapping'.
Josie-Sue smears cream over an enthusiastic man in the front row: 'Nice lubrication action'. She muses over
'The slackness of us ladies', and recalls an admirer's comment: 'A moral vacuum is clearly the only hoover
you ladies possess'. She kicks a half-bottle of Jack Daniels offstage and launches into the tender DON'T REJECT ME.
She's had 3 sons, and slept with 95 men. 'I'm no limited edition / my arms have held 190 arms'. It's
been 16 weeks in the Emergency Ward Radio Charts in Bill Clinton's home state of Arkansas
Pansy-Pearl solos with YOU HAVE THE VOICE OF AN ANGEL - a song of weight reduction. It's based on the words first
spoken to her by Shane Twain of 'Take the Fast Train' Twain Studios. 'You have the voice of an angel / The face of a
fat angel / The body of an obese angel.' 92 hours of surgery and liposuction 'sucked her clean to stardom'.
Josie-Sue asks for voluteers for axe-throwing, and recalls some of the first words spoken to her by the legendary
Mr Shane Twain of 'Singing in the Train' Twain Records: 'Feeble, Female, there's a reason why they rhyme.' She sings
the haunting YOU BUTTONHOLED ME, YOU PASSED ME BY, interrupted at the finale by police sirens.
The girls apologise: 'The greatest crime is to spoil your entertainment with our private lives', but this is invevitable
as the secret nursed until yesterday by Shane Twain, and the reason for his absence are revealed. The girls alternate
lead vocals on the plaintive closer I STILL LOVE YOU and run off, armed.
It's a evening of glorious singing, and very funny, fast-paced comedy. Written and performed by the cast: (alpha order)
Polyanne-Sue Wainwright III - Judith Faultless; Josie-Sue-Josie Mozart - Alys Torrance; Pansy-Pearl Parton - Charity Trimm.
Original music - Antonia Courcier. Director - Iain Davie. Technical Managers - Chris / Pleasance Staff
reviewed Wednesday 21 August 02 / Pleasance Dome
Fringe Report (c) Fringe Report 2002-2013