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Latest items? Unedited? Fringe Report Uncut
Mark Brailsford
in
RONALDO ATE MY CREDIT CARD
Verdict: Comedy of life's decisions
Edinburgh - Pleasance Courtyard Cellar - August 2002
From the moment the amiable Simon bounds onstage in blue-striped shirt, it's impossible to look away from his increasingly bizarre grapple with fidelity and mortgage decisions on the un-level football pitch of life.
Those familiar with Mark Brailsford (Simon)'s nude appearances in The Treason Show, Brighton, will be relieved or disappointed to know that trousers come with this particular shirt. And discerning fans of the beautiful game will want to know that it's the Seagull's strip - that's Brighton and Hove Albion Football Club for the rest of us.
Ah, you may say, but I hate football. But if you've ever been in love, this masterpiece of compressed theatre is about that more than it's about what (let's whisper this) is after all, er, only a game.
Simon's an endearingly podgy fellow with a smile so like Benny Hill's that his entanglements with ladies of the night in Tokyo nightclubs are wholly convincing. But it all starts innocently enough in a pub in Brighton.
Clare won't mind, Simon's sure, if he set off to see England play in the World Cup Final (2002) in Tokyo. There are no flights, and he doesn't have a ticket, but if it's not more than £800, well, £850 max ...
Simon's shirt bears the slogan 'Skint', and he and Clare are about to sign up for a mortgage on a new house, now that he's divorced from Mandy. Clare's special - the first girlfriend Simon's had without eating disorders - and ready to believe he's only paying £500.
He's off at 4 am, primed with shoulder bag and a modest groin injury from work. Plane to Holland. Connection to Tokyo delayed. Long search for drugs by customs. Payphone calls to Tokyo ticket contact unanswered. He arrives in Tokyo, still ticketless, with the minutes to England's match ticking away. He walks the aisle of the connecting train calling out the Japanese someone's given him for 'I need a ticket for the match'. He gets odd looks and suspects he's saying 'I'm a big boy, I take it from behind'. No ticket.
There's 45 minutes to go. Finally he gets a ticket from a German - haggling between £900 and £1,100 - and gets into the match 20 minutes late. It's heaven for 22 minutes. Then England crashes out. Expenses to date: £1,800. 'Still', Simon muses, 'it's a day out.'
It's at this point that the play begins its blissful glide towards darkness. Simon stays in Tokyo, sleeping in the Capsule Hotel. There's a sea of drink and revelatory encounters. Simon enters a world pivoted neatly between dream and consciousness which Thomas De Quincy would have envied while researching Confessions of an English Opium Eater. Simon is forced to examine and re-examine his commitment to Clare, to reality, and to life itself.
A less gifted writer and performer could make a dull mess of this - many have. But Brailsford, co-writer and director Paul Hodson, and Carol Kentish as Clare, combine to produce an intricate and seamless piece of theatre. It's exemplary in writing and execution, which is all very well if one simply wants to admire dramatic excellence. But it's more than that. It's fun, hugely entertaining, and - very touching. If it was a book, it would be unputdownable, a fine page-turner. As a play, it's gripping and endearing. And just when you think Simon's bombing towards self-destruction, there's a delightful - and subtle - happy ending.
Performed by Mark Brailsford, with Carol Kentish. Writers - Mark Brailsford and Paul Hodson. Director - Paul Hodson. Technical Manager - Dave Blake. Producer - Cackophonic Productions and Brighton Theatre Events.
END
John Park
reviewed Thursday 22 August 02 / Pleasance
related topic - our review of An Evening With Gary
Lineker
related site - Brighton and Hove Albion Football Club
Fringe Report (c) Fringe Report 2002-2012
www.fringereport.com
