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THE MEASURE OF A MILKMAN
Verdict: Intense and affectionate morality play
Edinburgh - Pleasance - August 02
It's hard to follow a legend. Kenny Birch, premier milkman of Streatham, is a legend now retired. Can Andrew (Andrew MacKay) fill his boots? More practically, can he drive his float?
We meet Andrew at the end of his story, and he tells us what happened, right from the start. He's a loner, waiting for the milk-bottle to be delivered to his basement flat. One day he decides: I can do that. He's young, an old-fashioned socialist. It's 1997, the year of John Major's banishment, and New Labour's dawn. On 26 February, he presents himself to Bernard Russell, Manager of Streatham Depot, Unigate Dairy. But has he got what it takes?
Bernard Russell is a devotee of milk, poetic in his description of the differences between those who have milk delivered, and the unhappy households who don't ('Children eat sweets'). Experienced milkman Paul will take Andrew out on Kenny Birch's old round. He's given uniform and jacket, and at 2.30 am, he's up with the alarm.
It's easy. With Paul driving and instructing, milk and potatoes are delivered at record pace. Andrew learns the different cap colours, the ways to each front door, the preferences of the customers. He's taught the tricks, too: taking a bottle of orange, drinking half, and returning the rest to the dairy as damaged stock. Customers, he's told, don't check their bills...
It's harder on his own, but there's no turning back, and soon it's Thursday 1 May, 1997, polling day. Andrew's proud to be voting in his Unigate uniform as a working man - Labour, of course. At the Party party in the evening he meets Phoebe. 'You're working as a milkman at the moment?' She thinks it's a pose. He corrects her: 'I AM a milkman'.
He's interrogated endlessly by customers as to what happened to Kenny Birch (he has no idea), and tormented by housewives who want to pay weekly instead of fortnightly (slows him down). He's trusted by an old lady to take money from her drawer.
There's pressure from the dairy, too. No-one forgets that neighbouring Balham Depot has closed. They're in competition with the supermarkets. 'You're not an ordinary milkman no more,' Bernard Russell explains, 'You're a home delivery salesman'. Andrew doesn't want to deliver sausages and frozen chickens, but needs must, and pretty soon he's mastering the technique of the crafty sale.
It all adds to the time, and 'housewives are patrolling the street'. 'Why are you so late?' 'Look, I'm sorry'. The heat's on Andrew, and he's dreaming of milk crises. It was all right for Kenny Birch - he had 2 children to help him. Andrew is - alone.
Finally, he achieves equilibrium. Eureka! - he's efficient. Andrew's a real milkman. At this point of triumph, we reach to the present. The Depot's to close - it really is the end. We're with Andrew at the house of the old lady. He's just found her dead. Her hedge needs cutting, she was too frail to do it herself. And there's cash in her drawer... What will the measure of the milkman be?
Measure of a Milkman is a brilliant piece of writing, structured as a play for one person. Andrew MacKay conjures up streets full of families awaiting and debating milk. The characters close to him, particularly Depot Head Bernard Russell, are exquisitely drawn and portrayed. It's magical theatre, conceived and delivered with excellence to produce a work of delight.
Written and performed by Andrew MacKay. Directed by Abigail Burdess. Technicals by Pleasance staff. Company: Fat Bloke Productions.
END
John Park
reviewed Saturday 24 August 02 / Pleasance Courtyard Attic
Fringe Report (c) Fringe Report 2002-2008
www.fringereport.com
