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drinks Monday 3 November 08
LUCY PORTER
Verdict: funny and endearing comedy
Edinburgh - Gilded Balloon Teviot - August 02
A quick poll round the bar votes Lucy Porter the girl most boys age 20-35 want to take home and look after. Not in a lustful way, you understand - they think she's sweet.
And it's true that Porter projects niceness, while being very funny, sharp, and at times quite hilariously dirty - but in a nice way.
The set's covered in photos of Porter as a girl, and she bounds on, picks briefly on 'a man at the front looking at me in quite a scary way'. She breaks the ice by discussing those mystery bruises that happen after a heavy night out, including the ones from leaning over the bowl, vomiting, while composing anagrams of Armitage Shanks. But the show's not autobiographical or cathartic.
She identifies a man in the audience: 'Adam. You are my bitch for the evening. I'll ride him like a show pony'. Any foreign people in? ('Sometimes fun for the rest of us'). She greets some latecomers, and the lights are down for slides from the past: here's the infant Porter in a long dress ('Like a Lithuanian child-bride'). She's a lapsed catholic with an Irish Italian Dad and an interesting family: 'I was rubbish at PE. My sister does fuck all. My brother swam for Ireland - he nearly made it'.
'PE teachers were the bane of my life'. The PE teacher at school was 'an utter bitch', who doubled up Geography with Gymnastics and made the girls wear green pants (St Philomena's had brown) and embroider their names on them. Not being very good at sewing, Porter did a running stitch that looked OK till put on, when 'Lucy' stretched, and 'Porter' disappeared. A small girl then, Porter says she's 5 ft tall ('I haven't grown since I was 14'). She goes out with her friend Helen, also 5 ft. 'Pervy men love it. It's catnip for perves. Small women make things look bigger'.
She performs at a lot of universities: 'Rugby lads with no necks, who dribble when they speak, stand up at the back and shout "Get your tits out". They think it's hilarious, and drink each other's wee'.
Porter goes off, and returns as aristocratic ex public-school girl Binkie (Lady Victoria Genevieve Wilkinson), complete with glasses pushed up into her hair. Binkie has many celebrity friends, including Liz Hurley and has a shop in Notting Hill. She's keen to conceive ('Baby hunger - when a girl gets to 29 ... her womb explodes'). She buys clothes from Stella McCartney ('a hanky - £500. Well, everybody uses hankies'). Her daddy wanted a boy, and her mother couldn't breast-feed ('She had to go to St Tropez').
Back as herself, Porter moves on to celebrities. Britney Spears: 'Deformed evil little witch'. She's taken by the irony of Geri entertaining the troops in The Gulf: 'Geri Halliwell and Steps in front of an audience with access to ammunition'. Porter gets burgled in London, and the police explain what annoys them: 'Some crack dealer is going to benefit from the proceeds'. Porter's outraged: 'It's up to me how I spend the insurance'.
She introduces a new character. Scorpio Rising - in white woolie hat - is the wacko American hippie astrologer to George W Bush, and friendly: 'I love you'. She's also familiar with 'President Blair' and tells how she helped Michael Douglas with his sex addiction. When it's time to go, she leaves us her motto: 'Live simply, so that others may simply love'.
Porter explores the sensitive subject of relationships, particularly the 6-month point when 'arguments start and blow-jobs stop'. Boyfriends are a project, especially getting rid of the clothes 'that bitch bought you before'. And they wear the same pants they wore at 12 ('Spiderman's pleased to see me').
Lucy Porter's comedy is individual and delightful. It's also very funny. She establishes a close relationship quickly with the audience and keeps it through a set that's complex, witty, and endearing.
Written and performed by Lucy Porter. Technicals by Gilded Balloon staff.
END
John Park
reviewed Friday 23 August 02 / Gilded Balloon Teviot - Balcony Room
Fringe Report (c) Fringe Report 2002-2008
